


will the clock ever rest

by ohallows



Series: podcast girls week 2020 [1]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Having Faith, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25107946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/pseuds/ohallows
Summary: Azu always knows that Aphrodite is near.
Series: podcast girls week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820245
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20
Collections: Podcast Girls Week





	will the clock ever rest

**Author's Note:**

> this prompt is. more for gifset makers or artists than writers so i’m taking it very loosely. one of my fave azu scenes was eren giving her the heart, and the heart warming in a recent episode was very sweet, so this loosely fits the prompt and im counting it anyway
> 
> did loads of research on kenyan burial rites and it’s very easy to find information on that but very hard to find information on their view of death and how they mourn/choose to remember the dead anyway ended up using the death customs of the kikuyu tribe in kenya and now i have a 300 page pdf saved in case i ever need to research something from that culture so if u need it hmu yes this is for like a single paragraph some of us do research when portraying cultures we are unfamiliar with to COPE
> 
> also playing loose and fast w pathfinder mechanics But When Dont I Do That

Azu sits back against the rock outcropping on the side of the mountain, idly tapping her fingers against the ground. Sasha and Grizzop are both patrolling the complex to see any weaknesses that they can exploit, and Hamid is a good ten metres up the path, keeping his eye on the front of the complex to try and get any information he can on guard changes. Azu had elected - well, been told, more than anything else, to stay back, and while it had slightly hurt at the time, she knows it was the correct decision. She’s… not as fast as the rest of them, doesn’t move as gracefully, as  _ quietly.  _ This mission requires stealth and delicacy, and if there are two things Azu isn’t, it's those. She just… wishes there was something more she could  _ do _ .

There are still a few more hours before sunset - they can’t storm the camp until then, not if they don’t want to be seen immediately, so Azu makes herself a bit more comfortable. She’s tempted to summon Topaz just to feel a little less alone before everyone comes back, but is worried that it will give away their position. She errs on the side of caution and continues to wait, absentmindedly wondering if she could start cleaning her armor or maybe cooking food for everyone. This whole stakeout thing really isn’t her bag, and she doesn’t want to accidentally do something that will alert the compound to their location. 

Probably best to play it safe. She stands up and stretches - they’re far enough away that they won’t be able to see her behind the outcropping - and wanders to the edge of the path they found, staring out over the rolling mountains that surround the city. It reminds her of home, almost; the mountains are different, of course they are, but it’s similar enough that she can close her eyes and pretend to hear Emeka laughing behind her as they finish bringing the crops up to the village. She hasn’t been home in so long - her and Emeka exchange letters as frequently as they can, but Azu still misses her family. It’s gotten worse the more she travels, and she hopes that she’ll be able to take a moment to see Emeka soon. 

She pulls the small heart of Aphrodite that Healer Fairhands gave her out from under her priestess’ robes. It’s glowing a faint, light pink, much like her, and she sighs as she stares down at it. It’s warm to the touch, and she wraps it in her palm as she presses a kiss to her knuckles. 

“Aphrodite, hear my prayer,” she says, a familiar invocation that has passed her lips countless times since she joined the church. “I ask for your assistance in these times of uncertainty. I wish to protect my friends and ensure the success of our mission to the best of my ability. Please help me keep them all safe from the dangers ahead.”

She lets the words float away into the wind, feeling a sense of calm settle over her. It’s strange, really, that she’s only known them for a few days, at this point. And yet, still, her chest feels weak at the idea of any of them being hurt. She wants to protect them with everything she has, and will do everything in her power to continue doing so. Even if that means sitting back while they all do the stealth work. 

A warm breeze, only there for a moment, brushes against her shoulders, and she feels comforted. She always knows the touch of Aphrodite when it comes for her, and smiles even as the breeze fades; her faith in Aphrodite has always been unwavering and strong, and she hopes that she does Aphrodite proud. 

With a renewed sense of determination, she tucks the small heart back away under her robes and retreats to the small camp they’ve set up, content to wait until her friends return.

Maybe she’ll even catch a quick nap; they have a busy night ahead, after all. 

—

This isn’t news, and Einstein’s been saying it for what may have been days now, but Rome is the  _ worst.  _ Everything is going wrong; the hounds chasing after them are nearly impossible to fight, the very air is either baking around them or slowly freezing them to death, and Grizzop is still missing and they don’t know anything about where the hostages are and everyone is  _ exhausted _ from lack of sleep and - and - 

Azu isn’t having a good time. None of them are, Einstein least of all. He’s just - he’s an old man, he doesn’t have much outside of spells, and even those are broken beyond relief thanks to whatever magic suffuses this place. Hamid nearly killed himself - Azu is still mad about that, but they don’t have time to have a discussion about it, not with the hellhounds that are chasing after them and can find them in the blink of an eye. They just have to keep moving forward - forward toward  _ what,  _ Azu doesn’t really know, but Sasha seems to have an idea, and she trusts Sasha with everything she is. The path they’re on seems to lead toward a broken palace, but Azu isn’t even sure if that’s the right direction or if that’s where the hostages are. 

Every step is an ordeal, when they’re in the sun. She’s cold in the shade, but it’s bearable with the layers of clothes she has on under the armor. The sun is a beast of a different name, though, and she can feel the blisters on her skin getting worse the longer she has to be out there. She may not be able to feel Aphrodite as strongly, here, but the heart necklace is still warm against her chest. It’s pulsing, almost, a faint heartbeat next to her own that Azu can only feel when she focuses on it, a sign that Aphrodite hasn’t abandoned her, even in this desolate wasteland. She may be far away, too far for Azu to reach, but Azu  _ still  _ has faith in her - it would take more than this to cause Azu to even slightly turn her back on Aphrodite. So she soldiers on through the baking heat and the freezing cold, trying to find a single shard of Aphrodite here that she can cling on to. 

And then the dogs attack again, and they target Sasha, claws and maw ripping into her side as she screams. Azu pulls out her ax and attacks, and then Grizzop distracts the dog, giving her time to get to Sasha. She falls to her knees at Sasha’s side and begs,  _ pleads  _ for any sort of connection, and Aphrodite comes through, as she always has for Azu. A gentle, fleeting kiss is pressed to her forehead, ghostly lips that barely feel like anything substantial. Azu can’t see anything, but she can feel Aphrodite’s love and healing magic surging through her body. Desperate and determined, Azu presses her hands so  _ carefully _ against Sasha’s side even as she screams, and pushes the healing through her veins. The wound knits up - it’s not a perfect job, and Sasha still looks worse for wear, but it’s  _ enough _ . 

Hamid makes short work of the dogs after that, and then Azu is supporting Sasha with an arm ‘round her waist as they dash off toward the crumbled palace in the middle of the city. 

—

Lighting a candle for Grizzop and Sasha becomes a nightly occurrence after Wilde had read them the letter. It still sits on Zolf’s nightstand, but he hasn’t stopped Hamid or Azu from reading it again. Azu feels as though she can't stay away, almost, committing the words to memory as she reads it over and over again. Zolf still doesn’t look at the letter, but Azu has a feeling that he is doing the same, albeit when no one else is around. It… she wishes that he would share with someone, her, or Hamid, or even  _ Wilde,  _ because it seems to be starting to slowly tear him apart at the seams. He still won’t speak about Sasha, really, apart from brief mentions, and he silently leaves the room whenever Azu or Hamid start talking about her and Grizzop. 

She can’t begrudge him that. From what she’s heard from Hamid and Wilde, Zolf and Sasha were the closest on the team before he left, considering each other family nearly from the beginning. Hamid had a bit of a wry, nostalgic smile when he told her a few stories from before the party had gone to Prague, mostly about Sasha’s confusion regarding Zolf’s propensity for drowning and how she tried to help to the best of her ability. 

Zolf won’t talk about her, but Azu  _ wants  _ to. She  _ likes  _ remembering, even if it hurts. She likes telling stories about them, wants to keep them forever in her mind even if they aren’t here anymore. They were her  _ friends,  _ and while she doesn’t blame Zolf for his reaction, she can’t just… lock it away and forget. 

In her village, people don’t mourn the way most of the rest of the world did. For them, death isn’t seen as an end, but a next stop on a journey. The final move before a soul was allowed to pass on, where they would be able to live as carefree as they desired. Sasha and Grizzop are gone, their souls being gently carried onward, but Azu still wants to be able to remember them as they were, and to share that with everyone around her. 

She kneels down and carefully lights two candles on the small shrine in her own room. She bows her head, and reaches up, touching two fingers on her right hand to the heart necklace that hangs down from around her neck.

“Aphrodite,” she prays, and closes her eyes, letting the smell of the incense swirl around her. “Out of the kindness of your heart and the love you share with your followers, I beseech you. Please, guide me to the correct decisions and light my path as I continue striving to share your teachings. Share with me your wisdom and truth and let me protect everyone with the magic you grant. Help me protect my friends in the battles that are to come, and allow me to serve you to the best of my ability.” 

The prayer finishes, and Azu blows out a steady breath through her mouth, opening her eyes. She straightens up, after that, resting back on her heels as she stares forward, at the shrine. The flames from the candlelight cast strange, bending shadows onto the stone, flickering and twisting. 

“I am in mourning, today, Aphrodite,” Azu murmurs, and just like in the dream she had so long ago, she feels a ghostly palm brush against her face. “I have… been in mourning for some time, now. My friends are gone, and they have continued on to a place where I am not able to follow.” 

Tears stream down her face as she presses her lips together, trying to keep the sobs in. Azu isn't… a loud crier. Azu isn't loud with  _ many  _ of her emotions, anymore, not after she and Hamid landed on the dusty, stone floor of Rome with two of their party lost to time. It - they don’t have time for loud emotions, now, not when the entire world has collapsed around them and they’re the sole chance for bringing it back. 

“They were -  _ Sasha  _ was happy, at least. And Grizzop would have been proud to know that he helped save her. He would be. I know that. And I know that we don’t control or change fate, but… I miss them so  _ much,”  _ Azu whispers, and bows her head again, tears falling onto the mat below. “Sometimes, I dream that they’re still here, and it feels so real that I want to cry.”

She can feel Aphrodite’s presence in the room, surrounding her body and pressing in against her, a silent comfort that Azu hadn’t realised she’d needed. She quiets, letting herself sit in the silence, in the stillness, and breathes, steady. It takes a moment for her to come back to herself, but Aphrodite guides her, as she always has. As she always will. The tears stop eventually, and Azu is left with a final sense of peace, although not without the ache in her chest that she’s gotten mostly used to at this point. 

“I’ll see them again,” Azu says; she knows it without a doubt to be true, and when she does, she isn’t ever going to let either of them go. The heart necklace glows, a bright pink, and it heats up against Azu’s fingertips as she holds it in her grasp. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, and brings it up to her lips, pressing the warm gem to her mouth. “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> happy podcast girls week !! am v excited to see some good good ladies content :D comments and kudos’ are super appreciated, and also pls feel free to shoot me a prompt at ohallows on tumblr if u are interested
> 
> i’m hoping to have a fic every day this week but we’ll see how my brain decides to work lmao


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